The Fridge Was Still Full of Decaying Food When I Left – Pt. 2
I had about an hour to pack before I had to be out of my apartment for good. I’d had all week to get my shit together to move out, but naturally I hadn’t packed a goddamn thing all week. So it came down to the last hour before I even drug out my suitcase. It was like, fuck it. I’d lost all motivation and still haven’t gotten it back.
Mostly all of Aaron’s shit was out of the apartment already since his folks had been around sorting through it all that week, packing things up in boxes and deciding which to keep and which to toss or whatever, which just seems like a miserable task to me, but anyway, the apartment was a mess that week while they went through everything, and really all I could do was just sit and watch, ‘cause it’s like, you know, wasn’t my shit. Wasn’t my call what to do with it. So his folks were packing shit up and there were all these things, so many things as they dug them up that brought back all these memories of times and things with Aaron. Then in his room and behind the couch and shit were all these twisted spoons all covered in soot, and that’s when I remembered where all my spoons went.
So anyway, mostly everything that was left in the place was mine and I didn’t know what the hell to do with it. I threw a few clothes and other things and one of Aaron’s paintings into this old suitcase I have, the one that’s all busted now. The couch I donated to my neighbors. Other things found their way to the trash.
The fridge was still full of decaying food when I left.
So with my case of shit, I rode my bike on over to Jamie’s, my first temporary home, my provisional couch. But I didn’t go right there. I sort of drifted around a bit. I stopped at my spot and watched the junkyard workers toss some junk around for a while. I like going there sometimes to watch them sort heaps and heaps of junk just like all day long. They just move heaps of junk into other heaps and trucks haul in and dump off more junk, and it’s just organized shit, really, but it kind of makes sense a little, I guess. Just sort through the garbage and say Fuck, man.
Once I got to Jamie’s it was getting sort of dark out, and I stood outside and smoked a cigarette while I dialed her on the phone. From a few floors up, she looked out and saw me, and we waved. I carried my shit up.
Later that night we asked each other, What now? She said she’s moving out to Seattle after the funeral like we all had planned to do before everything turned to shit. We were all going, that was the plan. Aaron, Molly, Jamie, and I. Molly’s already out there and she says it’s great. Molly was Aaron’s girlfriend. So that’s where Jamie went off to, to hang out with Molly out there in Seattle, and I decided to stay behind in Chicago. I don’t know why, but it just feels weird to leave. I’m not finished here, I guess, and it doesn’t feel right going now.
So that’s about how that went. A few days later was the funeral. We all cried our goddamn eyes out and the weather was real shit that day. Then about a week later Jamie moved, and I moved onto another couch and another and now this is just what I do for now. It’s become routine. I sleep on couches and get fucked up and sad. Then after a week or two, I find a new couch. Molly and Jamie, they’re really trying to get me out to Seattle with them, but I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure some shit out.
Go or stay?
I’m stuck and I can’t seem to get past this.